Failure is My Good Sign

Salam... 

Tonight I somehow feel like writing thing despite of putting words on my application. YES, APPLICATION. The thing has been a new friend of mine this time around considering how I've been working with some of them for these couple last month and has take some learning from them. Last time I was trying to apply for conferences and workshops in Singapore, Japan, USA, India, and get failure in all that :)

However I consider failure as a good sign as many of those successful people start their days with failure. You name it: Thomas Alfa Edison and all those people. I like to say that failure is cute despite of the sadness it brings. I remember telling my Mom, "Your daughter had failed to apply in Singapore, Japan, USA, and India. Right now please pray for my succeed." somehow saying it jokingly with bright smile is tingling and funny. Somehow I am proud of being failed for at least I know how it feels. Moreover, I know I tried. 

Let me tell you: 

"Having an actual failure is way more easy than having a feeling of being afraid of failure."

I was (part of me still 'am') a person who afraid to fail and it got me nowhere but status quo. It is like I am staying in my place while everybody else is running in the marathon. I, who was once also running in the marathon, decided to had enough and stopped at certain distance.

I went against human nature of "human never get satisfied" and started my actual failure by stop doing something. Some people perceived doing nothing as a pleasure, and I was too. It felt fine at first that I enjoyed it. However it was until certain moments that I have those itchy feeling of "Wait, no. Things are not supposed to be like this. I should do something". 

I started my resurrection with hard steps. I was already losing my willingnes to try and my confidence as well. I did not see my self being suitable for an opportunity that, eventhough I
could, I didn't take it. My surroundings, especially family and close friends, started to see how dangerous my situation at the moment and offered hands. Countless motivational sharing was not working well in the beggining as I was not convinced. 

I kept on in search for support from my surrounding as well as from my Almighty. It was not until the moment when I realized that my main unconfidential problem is ME. No matter how many times I was convinced and adviced, nothing will change unless I decided to change myself. 

"...Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves..." (Ar Ra'd: 11)

So here I am working on another application. The afraif of failure is still there, but well let's just give my luck another try. 

The application I am working on is an application of an exchange program to South Korea provided by Republic of Korea Goverment in cooperation with ASEAN University Network (AUN). (If you are interested about the detail go to aunsec.org). The application is actually time sensitive. The deadline is on 11 and I have to send it overseas to AUN secretary in Thailand and to Daejeon University in South Korea (where study will be held), which definitely will tak couple days to send therefore I have to work fast and my brain has to properly work!

Alrite then, wish me luck as I wish you good luck. And hopefully this time it will be my lucky strike (amin)

Salam :)

"On no soul Allah places a burden greater than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns, and suffers every ill that it earns.." 

(Al Baqarah: 256)