How Am I Not as That Stubborn Anymore?

Assalamalaikum

The question flashed into my mind stronger than it usually been at this very late nigt.

This question come to my mind more frequent that it usually did for the last couple months.
Is this what I want? Is this really what I want? Or it is just me following what commonly said as 'common stages of life'. In the process, I feel like I am losing my real desire.

I always go by that believe of "no matter what happen, it is always for my good. There will always be something positive to learn."
Which incredibly true. And that what makes me a very accepting person. I accept whatever comes in life because I believe it will always bring me good at some points.

However, being a full-mode-accepting person doesnt feel right to me. At least for these time around.
What's the meaning of struggle then? I know that even at my current situation I am also struggling. But wouldnt it be more beautiful if i struggle for something i really desire?

I would blame none but myself for this matter. I made the choice, thus take the consequences. I made the decision to take shortcut decision that i assume may not let others down. It does, it made some people happy. Eventhough at some points, means putting my real desire aside.

Or did I just too scared to follow my desire? Did I just too scared to struggle?

How am I not as that stubborn? Does 'not following the expectations put on me' will really makes everyone sad? How did I let expectations blur my real passion? Just how on earth am I not as that stubborn anymore?
How am I not even argue anymore?

Anyway this just doesnt feel right. I decided to make a change on it. Let's see how it goes.
Insyaallah.

Wassalam.